Me Too
by ShinigamiMailJeevas
Summary: Mis·take [1]: an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning-and Mello, he had made a big one.


**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the anime Death note**

**Suggested Listening**: As if the world wasn't ending **by** Sonata Arctica

~Me Too~

When Mello asked him if he would mind an addition to the bedroom, to spice their life up a bit, Matt said "sure, why not?" because he was game for trying new things. "But if you fall for him then I will have to kill you both," he said jokingly. Mello had rolled his eyes and sauntered out of the room after a quick peck on the lips.

So when a man dressed so meticulously in a business suit, with long raven hair tied at the nap of his neck, walked through the front door a few nights later, Matt was beginning to question his own sanity. He was good looking, probably had a disgustingly high paying job, and was Mello's preferred type. Matt thought about how he must appear to the stranger—goggles, messy red hair, and stripes; he wondered how this could work at all.

But the man must have been forewarned for he did not so much as bat an eyelash at him. In fact, even naked and in bed with him, Matt felt out of place. The long touches given to Mello, dominating kisses, and soft words in a language Matt had never been allowed to learn.

Matt felt like the stranger.

It was a terrible feeling.

To see Mello caving under the ministrations of another—was he better at it than Matt?—and being so enthralled by the long dark strands of hair that came loose, that he failed to notice the caress at his side that usually drove him crazy.

He couldn't get the images, the feelings, out of his mind for many days later.

And then came the dreaded day when Mello asked if he wanted to bring the man back, Matt had no choice but to flat out deny Mello. The look he received was stony and the silence even more so.

"What?" he prompted.

"Nothing," Mello brought his drink to the armchair instead of sitting with him on the couch. "I just thought you were more adventurous than that."

That stung, and Mello knew it would.

He was an asshole.

And he got his way.

Matt caved after two more days. It was not the first or last time he would do so, and each time he regretted it more than before. There seemed to be a distance growing between them. Mello still fucked him up against the wall, still caressed his face out of the blue, and still told him he was loved...just less frequently.

The ever growing divide was never more apparent than the night he was told to watch. Not participate, but _watch_. He got up in the middle and left. Only in the morning did Mello ask where he went. Matt felt his insides falling to pieces.

Maybe he was making too much out of nothing? Seriously, this was Mello. He would never...

Until he did.

"Listen Matt, I'm not going to lie to you."

Matt knew nothing good would come out of that mouth after.

"I have always loved you, and I still do-"

"But?"

"There is no easy way to tell you this, but what I feel for him is stronger." Mello, hand on his hip and fiddling with a chocolate bar, told him.

"Oh." Matt was hollow. He was dreaming. This was some fucked up hallucination. Mello couldn't, he wouldn't really-

"Yeah. Look i'm sorry. Not like I wanted to hurt you. We are still friends right, like you always promised?" Mello awkwardly awaited his response, shifting his weight. At least it wasn't so easy for him to say this. Though it might as well have been. There should have been tears, screaming, fighting, something more than this calm-awkwardness.

Matt was dying.

"I..." Matt swallowed hard. His heart pounded so badly in his chest—it ached so bad he must be having a heart-attack, "Yeah. Of course." _Wouldn't want to trouble you after all_, he added silently.

"Great!" Mello's smile returned and Matt felt betrayed all over again. How could he smile at all? "I will be packing my stuff up tomorrow and be out of here by the weeks end."

"P-packing?" he choked. What? Packing for what? His body was frozen, he couldn't breathe, this was a fucking joke. Please God someone laugh!

"Yeah, I'm moving in with him. Didn't I mention that?" Mello cocked his head to the side.

"No," Matt whispered.

"Oh, well yeah. Look I have some things to do so I wont be back tonight. See you later, Matty." Mello gave a small wave and then he was out the door.

Matt's legs trembled and he leaned on the closest wall for support. The tears fell hot and fast and he hadn't even realized they were there until he couldn't see anymore because his goggles were fogged. A choked sob caught in his throat and that was all it took for him to break. Shaking, silently heaving out his pain and wanting more than anything for this to be a nightmare he could wake from.

But he never could.

And eventually the apartment only held his things.

He saw Mello a few times a month, and when he did the wound that left a hollow hole in his chest reopened and left him bleeding for days after they spoke. He loved Mello, and something like that would _never_ fade, despite being told he would move on. The blond simply did not get it, perhaps because he had not been the one to have his heart handed back to him. Told that he was not good enough, that there was someone _better_.

Matt's eyes had never ached so much...

But he remained friends. However bitter he felt about the entire thing—this damn _situation_ wasn't even his fault—he was unable to part from the blond. It was a vicious game of tug-of-war and he was being torn apart by it. He couldn't stand the sight of Mello, and he couldn't stay away. Both were painful.

And he could never seem to give up hope that Mello would come to his senses, tell him he was wrong—hell maybe he actually missed him. He wanted to squash that hope until it no longer resembled what it was. In the end, he was only going to be betrayed, even by his own thoughts.

He had gotten used to going to work, coming home alone, going to sleep alone, and repeating the cycle. He realized this made him rather pathetic, and sometimes that really bothered him—why couldn't he be stronger? But most days it was all he could do to try to move on.

And then the hurricane known as Mello blew fully back into his life without thought of his actions.

"Matty, I miss you."

There were no fights. No tears. Nothing but a welcoming smile from Matt. Happiness had overridden any rational train of thought and all he could think was "I've got him back".

The sex that night had been intense, passionate and probably left more bruises on them both than was healthy. Still, even after once more being the center of Mello's attention, his mind could not leave him alone.

"Are you here to stay?" Matt had to ask. What he really wanted to ask was "will this happen again?" Once someone leaves, what is there to really keep them from going again. From using a different excuse or reasoning? Nothing. Matt could come up with nothing. That left a cold feeling in his chest that no amount of body heat could dispel.

"Yes. I made a mistake. A really big one. It was infatuation, not love." Mello grit his teeth. It had to be hard to admit, so Matt nodded and shifted closer, laying his head on the blonds chest.

He had once jokingly said that he would kill Mello if he ever left him for someone else. And a portion of Matt had even believed that. But now he knew he couldn't. He loved—and maybe even despised—him enough to never harm him. What he really wanted, was for Mello to understand.

That no matter what he did or said, it would never make things alright again. There would always be those thoughts. When introduced to a new "friend" or "acquaintance" would they end up as another "Mistake"?

The blond really had no idea what he had done...but he would.

Mello smiled down at the sleeping redhead. Matt would always be his, no matter what happened. He held Matt closer and closed his eyes. He would make it up to him.

.

Mello yawned softly and rolled over. The heat from the comforters felt great, and his sleep fogged mind enjoyed the familiar smells that came along with that bed. His brow furled and he patted the space beside him but found it empty. He cracked an eye and was greeted with not only an overbearing sunlight, but an empty room.

"Matt?" He called softly. There was no answer, and after a few more long moments of basking in the half-asleep state, Mello hauled himself from bed. He had a redhead to find.

He padded into the kitchen in just his boxers, set up a pot of coffee—though it was odd Matt had not already—and checked the living room. None of the usual items were turned on, and Matt's preferred laptop was eerily dark.

Mello frowned.

He walked over to the balcony door and swung it open, there was a very faint smell of smoke but no Matt. "He probably went out to buy more." Mello grumbled to himself. Really, he had to get him to stop or at least cut back. Those things would kill him.

Scratching his head, Mello headed to the bathroom. He was certain Matt would be back soon. Maybe they could have breakfast together.

He pushed open the bathroom door, flicked on the light and was assaulted by the overwhelming stench of copper. "Urg." He covered his nose and searched for the source only to freeze in shock.

There, in the disgustingly red-water filled bathtub, lay a half submerged Matt with the bloody words, "**I made a mistake too :)**" on the wall.

-because Matt was nothing, if not vindictive.

-End-

**AN:** So yeah... :D

This is based partly off hypothetical conversations, the never ending "mello brings someone home" scenario, little pieces of truth, and a bit of fiction. (lol part of the truth is my Mello loves men with LONG hair...hint)

**p.s**, I will give a virtual high five to anyone who can guess who the "man" was. :D And its not Mikami. lol

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Review?


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